Are You Using Guilt As A Weapon

Using guilt as a weapon may get you what you want in the short term, but it is a dangerous tactic that will undermine your relationship and rob you of intimacy with your partner. Have you ever found yourself turning to your special someone and saying "If you loved me you would" or ending an argument with "don't worry about me" and sighing deeply? If so, you may be using guilt as a weapon.

Guilt-tripping your partner often takes the form of "if you loved me you would" or "I don't see why you can't just" statements. Both of these set up tasks that your partner must perform to your satisfaction in order to be accepted and worthy of love. Setting up tests like this says to your loved one "I don't believe that you love me. Prove it." It attacks your partner and requires that they start from the beginning and prove their love all over again.

One of the most painful ways to wound your partner with guilt is to bring up past hurts and wrongs. No matter what your partner has done in the past or how sorry they are for doing it, there is absolutely nothing they can do today to take it back. Bringing up past behavior is a cruel way to punish someone. If you choose, you can torture them with it forever and it will never go away. Loving someone requires forgiving the past and letting it go. If you honestly can't let go of something that has happened then you cannot be in a relationship with that person. It simply does not work.

Using guilt is never an act of love, it is always an act of violence. It may masquerade as ‘brutal honesty' but the true intention of guilt is always to wound, to hurt and to break down. Whatever it is we're after, guilt aims to make the other person suffer. So why do we do it?

If you find yourself using guilt as a weapon in your relationship, the answer to why you're doing it is in you, not your partner. Ask yourself why you feel threatened in this relationship. Is there something in the past that you cannot forgive? Is there a good reason for you to be afraid? Do you have trouble trusting people? Do you suffer from low self-esteem? Do you feel that the relationship is moving too quickly? Take some time to get to the root of your fear and ask yourself :
is this relationship worth it?
do I really love him/her?
do I want to be in this relationship?
what is holding me back?

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